Eveniment

Message from the Queen of England to USA

To The citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty
Queen Elizabeth II:

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates
for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.


Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Oklahoma , which
she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America
without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be
circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:

(You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

1. Look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour',
'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut'
without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced
by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your
vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such
as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take
into account the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows
that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used
for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or
speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if
you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will
go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British
sense of humour.

8. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips
are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat,
and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred
to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for
pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so
that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good
guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play
English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in
'Four Weddings and a Funeral' was an experience akin to having one's ears
removed with a cheese grater.

12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try rugby
- the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash
us.

13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of
America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your
borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will
let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their
deliveries.

14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
monies due (backdated to 1776).

16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers,
and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus
strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

Splendid! Mi-a placut , mai ales, punctul 10.

La 2008-09-18 02:51:41, Ratacitul a scris:

> 8. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
>
> calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
>
>
>
> 9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
> fries
> are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato
> chips
> are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal
> fat,
> and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
>
>
>
> 10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not
> actually
> beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred
> to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will
> be referred
> to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound
> for
> pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to
> the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what
> it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen
> Gnat's Urine, so
> that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
>
>
>
> 11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
> good
> guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play
>
> English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue
> in
> 'Four Weddings and a Funeral' was an experience akin to having one's
> ears
> removed with a cheese grater.
>
>
>
> 12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind
> of
> proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will,
> in
> time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to
> American
> football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty
> seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
> Don't try rugby
> - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly
> thrash
> us.
>
>
>
> 13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
> host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
> outside of
> America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond
> your
> borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we
> will
> let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their
>
> deliveries.
>
>
>
> 14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
>
>
>
> 15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
>
> Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
>
> monies due (backdated to 1776).
>
>
>
> 16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with
> saucers,
> and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus
>
> strawberries (with cream) when in season.
>
>
>
> God Save the Queen!
>
>
>

E totusi o chestie la mijloc, ca se inmultesc englezii in orasul unde locuiesc.

La 2008-09-18 02:51:11, Ratacitul a scris:

> Message from the Queen of England to USA
>
>
>
> To The citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign
> Majesty
> Queen Elizabeth II:
>
>
>
> In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent
> candidates
> for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby
> give
> notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
>
>
>
>
>
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
> duties
> over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Oklahoma ,
> which
> she does not fancy).
>
>
>
> Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for
> America
> without the need for further elections.
>
> Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be
>
> circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
>
>
>
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following
>
> rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>
>
>
> (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
>
>
>
> 1. Look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be
>
> amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
>
>
>
> 2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour',
> 'favour',
> 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell
> 'doughnut'
> without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be
> replaced
> by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your
>
> vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
>
>
>
> 3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
> such
> as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
>
> communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let
> Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be
> adjusted to take
> into account the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.
>
>
>
> 4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
>
>
>
> 5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
> lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
> therapists shows
> that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be
> used
> for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing
> someone or
> speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
>
>
>
> 6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
> more
> dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required
> if
> you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
>
>
>
> 7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
> start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same
> time, you will
> go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
>
> tables.
>
> Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British
>
> sense of humour.
>
>
>
>
>